Portal to Cimmeria Excerpts Removed for Contest

I’ve submitted my YA novel Portal to Cimmeria (renamed Dragons in the Dark  Volume I: Threshold) to a contest (Serendipity Literary Agency, in collaboration with Sourcebooks and Gotham Writers’ Workshop, is hosting its first Young Adult Novel Discovery Competition) and so had to remove the excerpts.

I’ve also entered into the Delacorte Press Books for Young Readers Twenty-Eighth Annual Delacorte Press Contest for a First Young Adult Novel.

I’ve also submitted a Christmas Story to the Jacksonville Times Union and a poem I wrote as a Picture Book to a poetry contest. I already had three short stories in a contest and am waiting to hear about them.

I won’t know about most of these until early 2010, so it’ll be a pins-and-needles Christmas for sure.

In the meanwhile I’m working on a MG version written as a journal with line illustrations. It looks awesome in my head!

Cross your fingers ya’ll.

Passive vs Active Verbs in Your Manuscript

The very first draft of my MS was a total mess. I’d spent 18 months writing it and was ecstatic when I’d finished.  Or thought I had. I started looking for a place to send it and found a willing publisher. So off it went. Unedited. Unrevised. Horrendous.

Since then I’ve done a lot of reading and learning, talking with other writers and learning. Oh yeah, I meant to put that word twice. Learning. It’s what a writer does each step of the way. I found some awesome blogs to follow, which I’ll list in another post; I found hundreds of writers, editors, agents, consultants and publishers to follow on Twitter; I listened in on Twitter chats, participating when I had something to say; I listened to Podcasts and Blog Radio casts. But while I use the past tense verb here, it should be present tense because I continue to do all of these things every week. I learn.

So what have I learned? The second biggest thing was my use of verbs. (First was Point of View). My original MS was full of passive and weak verbs. In case you are in the beginning stages of this learning experience, I’ll give you some pointers and maybe save you some time.

Passive verbs are boring. They show inaction or lack of action and who wants to read about characters who do nothing?

Here are some basic rules to remember:

If the subject performs the action of the main verb, the sentence is active.

If the subject sits there while something else, named or unnamed, performs an action on it, the sentence is passive.

If the main verb is a linking verb (is, was, were, have, has, had, are, seems (to be), been, being, becomes, etc.), then the verb shows no action; it merely describes a state of being which is passive.

Past Tense:

Active Voice              I taught; I learned

Passive Voice           I was (have been) taught (by someone); It was (has been) learned (by someone)

Present Tense:

Active Voice              I teach; I learn

Passive Voice           I am (being) taught; I am learning (from someone)

Using passive verbs is not wrong. There are times when its use can make a statement.

If you want to downplay the action of the story:

As the bullet entered the body a lesson was learned by all present.

When no one knows who is doing the action:

The girl was hit over the head with a baseball bat.

The teacher (subject doing action) teaches (action) the students (object receiving action).

The students (subject receiving action) are taught (passive verb) by the teacher (doing action).

Brian (subject doing action) washes (action verb) the car (object receiving action).

The car (subject receiving action) is washed (passive verb) by Brian (doing action).

Readers like stories with strong verbs. Here is a paragraph from an early version of my MS. Compare the final verb to the passive verb in parenthesis. I’ve also shortened lengthy sentences so they read crisply and clearly, excess is crossed out. Below the paragraph is the rewritten version.  Read the two paragraphs and see which you prefer.

They walked to the bedroom. where Zarena offered to help the little girl (get her dress off) undress. Once inside the bathroom Long Tu first reached into her pocket, found pulled Slither out and placed him in(to) the sink with the stopper closed and a little water in the bottom.  The snake stretched, then curled into the water and actually looked (like he was purring) as though he purred. Next, Zarena unbuttoned the torn filthy dress and lifted it over Long Tu’s head.  She noticed that even Long Tu’s underwear was torn and dirty and made a mental note (that she needed new everything)to replace even that.  Once the thin, brown-skinned little girl was naked, Zarena helped her into the steaming shower and slid the curtain closed.  As (she was sliding) the curtain slid, she glanced down at Long Tu’s skinny thighs. Something looks wrong, (she thought to herself)( before turning) she frowned, shrugging. (to find) She went to her dresser. Long Tu needs something to wear.  As she rummaged for the smallest tee-shirt she could find, her mind thoughts (kept turning back) remained on Long Tu’s thighs.  (A niggling thought wriggled like a worm weaving in and out of her consciousness until she grasped it and held on.) With an very audible gasp she realized what was wrong.  There (was) no harp-shaped birthmark anywhere on the child! The child has no birthmark! She remembered learning from someone that the mark was the way to tell a true Vigorio from a false one.  A false one?  Is that even possible?

They walked to the bedroom.

“I’ll help you get undressed,” Zarena smiled.

Once inside the bathroom Long Tu reached into her pocket, pulled Slither out and placed him into the sink with the stopper closed and a little water in the bottom.  The snake stretched, curled into the water and actually looked as though he purred. Zarena unbuttoned the torn filthy dress and lifted it over Long Tu’s head.  She noticed that Long Tu’s underwear was torn and dirty and made a mental note to replace even that.  Once the thin, brown-skinned little girl was naked, Zarena helped her into the steaming shower and slid the curtain closed.  As the curtain slid, she glanced down at Long Tu’s skinny thighs. Something looks wrong, she frowned, shrugging. She went to her dresser. Long Tu needs something to wear.  As she rummaged for the smallest tee-shirt she could find, her thoughts remained on Long Tu’s thighs.  With an audible gasp she realized what was wrong.  The child has no birthmark! She remembered learning the mark was the way to tell a true Vigorio from a false one.  A false one?  Is that even possible?

Is Creating a Masterpiece Worth the Time and Effort? You Bet It Is!

Sometimes we get caught up in daily living and forget that true beauty or literature or masterpiece can take time to create. Our instant entertainment, instant communication and instant knowledge access is responsible. As a writer it is sometimes hard to imagine taking more than a few months to write a book. Then you look at truly exquisite literature and learn it took years, sometimes many, many years, to come about.

This domino exhibit took 90 experts 2 months to create using tweezers and rulers. Is it worth it? It was to them. You be the judge.

 

Young Adult (YA) Writers on Twitter

I finished my NaNoWriMo novel already at 81,063 words! I’m sure my family missed me but it sure feels good getting it finished. I’ve even edited it and sent it to a publisher. Cross your fingers.

Following is a list of YA Writers on Twitter.

Cynthia Sue Larson | @cynthialarson

Tom Upton | @tomupton33

Jon F. Merz | @jonfmerz

Brian Rathbone | @brianrathbone

DebbiVaughn | @DebbiVaughn

Justin Sachs | @justinsachs

Twilighters Network | @twilightersnet

Dr. Stephen Jones | @DrStephenJones

Shonika Proctor | @teenbizcoach

YasminShiraz | @YasminShiraz

Meghan Riley | @PixieChaser

Lady Ellen | @LadyEllen

Richard Nash | @R_Nash

Carl Hindy, Ph.D. | @DrCarlHindy

Death Wave (ebook) | @stevekahn

MeghnaK | @MeghnaK

FreshFiction | @FreshFiction

Debbie Dunn | @DebbieDunn

Lin Burress | @tiddlytwinks

sandy617 | @sandy617

Lindsay W. | @virtualcreative

Roxanne Smolen | @roxannesmolen

Carrie Silver-Stock | @girlswithdreams

Laurie Esposito Harley | @PoeticLotion

ljnewlin | @dahliasignetof

Janet Mulroy | @KidCrunchMom

sharon anne | @sharonlovescats

YA edge | @YAedge

Young Adult RWA | @YA_RWA

Medeia Sharif | @sharifwrites

shecobea | @cobe24

Tom Dolby | @TomDolby

B M Foxxe Kitsune | @draemesaekyrFK

Lisa Schroeder | @lisa_schroeder

SheilaRuth | @SheilaRuth

Marie Lamba | @marielamba

Wuffs Bonanzle | @Wufflespring

LC Russell | @Novemberbooks

Lili Wilkinson | @twitofalili

Kimberly | @gladeslibrarian

Jennifer Banash | (@jenniferbanash

Cyn Balog | @cynbalog

darkened_jade | @darkened_jade

Lynn E. Hazen | @LynnHazen

Sandra Humphrey | @Sandra305

LK Gardner-Griffie | @lkgg

Robin Brande | @RobinBrande

amandaashby | @amandaashby

Paula Chase | @PaulaChase

Evanlowe | @Evanlowe

C. Lee McKenzie | @cleemckenzie

Kiki Lon | @kikilon

DallasWoodburn | @DallasWoodburn

Jon Bard | @jonbard

Anne Mazer | @Annemazer

Barry Lyga | @barrylyga

Melissa Wiley | @bonnyglen

Carin Berger | @CarinBerger

Cynthea Liu | @cynthea

Cynthia Chapman Willis | @CynthiaCWillis

Laurel Snyder | @LaurelSnyder

Lauren Baratz Logsted | @LaurelBaratzL

Lisa McMann | @lisa_mcmann

LK Gardner-Griffie | @lkgg

Maureen Johnson | @maureenjohnson

Meg Cabot | @megcabot

Rebecca Moesta | @RebeccaMoesta

Sarah Dessen | @sarahdessen

Shane Berryhill | @ShaneBerryhill

Susan Taylor Brown | @susanwrites

Gerry Huntman /@GerryHuntman

Rebecca Ryals Russell / @Vigorio

Henry Melton / @HenryMelton

New Mexico Women’s Soccer Player #15 a Good Role Model? Maybe As A Bully!

Both of my daughters played high school soccer for several years. We were so excited one year when they both played on the varsity team at the same time. We loved attending the games and watching the skillful dribbling and shooting and defending the ball. And we were extra proud of the good sportsmanlike behavior most of the girls on each team exhibited. There were occasional elbows thrown or ankles kicked with appropriate fouls called. And that was what the game was all about. Good sports behavior and playing because it’s fun.

So imagine my surprise and horror at watching the BYU vs New Mexico Women’s soccer match which looked more like women’s wrestling than soccer. There was more bad behavior in this one game than I’ve ever seen in whole seasons.  I do NOT understand why this bully was allowed to mistreat the opponents time and again in so visible a way that it was caught on numerous video cameras and yet the ref never called a foul?

Player #15 should have been tossed from that game after the first foul. At the very least, now that it is out and about, she should be benched for the remainder of the season.

She is certainly NOT the type of role model I want my girls emulating on or off the field.

 

POST NOTE:

Player #15 for New Mexico’s Women’s Soccer has been suspended indefinitely and has issued a letter of apology. That’s a good thing. But if I was still hurting from her fist in my back or yank of a ponytail during something deemed a sport, I might have a problem accepting it after the fact. The truth remains, she played like a heathen and ONLY apologized or got suspended after the uproar was raised.

History of Dragons: The Evil Part of Man?

I watched a great documentary the other day about Dragons on the History Channel. It was different because it explored the scientific and historical findings that lead through civilizations. From Mesopotamia, Babylon, Egypt, Carthage, Scandinavia, China and Japan through the Middle Ages, across the ocean into Mexico with the Olmecs and Aztecs who performed human sacrifice to appease their dragon deity to Native North Americans and present day the basic concept of the dragon has endured throughout millennia.

The first evidence of dragons appeared in Mesopotamia 6000 years ago when the first written records were made. In this myth a good dragon, Marduk, slays the evil dragon, Tiamat, and uses the carcass to create all of the elements necessary for creation of the world. The question is why a dragon? Where did this concept originate? Why not a bear or wolf?

It went on to show the many civilizations that have used the various images of the dragon on pottery vessels, jewelry, facades, statuary, weaponry. They all contained similar characteristics; wings, large maw with massive teeth, horns atop the head, horn or beard below the chin, long tail, scales and clawed feet. Whether the image was Chinese with the elongated, sinewy body or European with a stout muscular shape, the main characteristics remained. One aspect that did vary greatly was personality. The European or Western dragons were always destructive and called evil. The Chinese or Eastern dragons are benign and revered.

The Imperial Chinese had an order in their government established by the number of claws on the dragon’s foot. Only the emperor could wear the image of a dragon with five claws. The Imperial Clan’s dragon had four claws and so on. They also believed that if the dragon flew eastward, toward Japan, he would lose claws. The Japanese believed that a dragon flying westward lost claws.

All societies have held a belief that dragons controlled water. In Japan the god of water is a dragon. Some held that dragons lived at the bottom of wells, lake and rivers thereby controlling the water supply. Some believe the Loch Ness creature could be a dragon.

Scientists conjecture that dragons may have been composed from three elements of which early man was deathly afraid; big cats, big snakes and big birds. Dragons share characteristics of each of these. A dragon’s head has a pointed snout full of teeth and large eyes, its neck is long and serpentine and it always has wings. It is also predatory.

While literature and myth portrayed the dragon as destructive and powerful, it wasn’t until the Catholic Church related the dragon to Satan in Revelations and the use of Gargoyles on the facades of Cathedrals that people began to identify them as evil and demonic. It was apparently the hope of the church leaders that this connection would scare people into trusting the church to save them from dragons, hence Satan. This was when such tales were born as St George and the Dragon or the Knights of the Roundtable. In all of these and more, virgin princesses were rescued from evil dragons by knights using swords. Anyone need that metaphor explained?

It is this aspect I have chosen to include in my book. I believe that dragons are symbolic and have always been part of man’s basic nature. They demonstrate parts of man that man wishes he had more of, like power and flight. They also demonstrate a part of man that he is afraid of in himself and wishes to slay. So we do it in literature. Whether evil exists in physical form or not the dragon is the perfect metaphor.

Diablo, Nefar

Editing Adverbs From Your Manuscript

I was editing my MS recently and realized that many new writers may not know about an easy way to edit out some adverbs. So I decided to explain it here. Many times an adverb ends in –ly, so they are easily spotted.

I also listed many of the adverbs I removed and show the original use as well as a suggestion for the improvement of the sentence. These are only suggestions and may not fit your style, but keep in mind that many editors/agents today do not like adjectives and adverbs. They prefer to see strong verbs instead.

In order to easily see what and where you put many of your adverbs you can highlight them. If you use Microsoft Word, go to Editing, Find. Type ly into the find space and click Reading Highlight then Highlight All. Stand back and wear your sunglasses as your manuscript suddenly lights up like a yellow traffic light. Now start analyzing each adverb. If you choose to delete it, the highlights will disappear, but the box remains up so just click Highlight again and they’re back.

-ly words removed:

quickly

She smiled, finally glancing quickly at his eyes, then away again.

She smiled, glanced at his eyes, then away again.

softly

cooed softly.

cooed.

finally

she finally opened her eyes

she opened her eyes OR

at length she opened her eyes OR

minutes later she opened her eyes

to finally kick the bucket

to kick the bucket

actually

Actually, I wanted to go as well.

I wanted to go, too.

only

We know there are only two of them traveling alone,…

We know there are two of the them traveling alone… OR

We know there are two traveling alone…

Rusty killed only the useless fisherman.

Rusty killed the useless fisherman.

lately

Which one of you had a Pernicon watching her lately?

Which of you had a Pernicon watching her?

suddenly

Suddenly Berith’s eyes lit up.

Berith’s eyes lit up.

really

So I really won’t be missed at school or work much, will I?

So I won’t be missed at school or work much, will I?

I really have to go back now

I have to go back now

He’s super cute and all, but I really like Michael.

He’s super cute and all, but I like Michael.

mostly

She mostly studied the table,

She studied the table,

Then more quietly, almost to herself, “I…

Then almost to herself, “I….

slowly

…turned and slowly stumbled back

…turned and stumbled back

completely

We are not completely sure.

We are not sure.

gravely

Minhtu gravely nodded,…

Minhtu nodded, her eyes serious and face drawn tight around her mouth…

Here’s a glimpse of a page of my MS before editing. Ouch! The highlighting didn’t show up so I’ve put the adverbs in bold and italics.

On the floor, overturned tables and chairs lay scattered across the once majestic hall. Amini, wings spread, fought in hand-to-hand combat, faces sweating and eyes screwed nearly shut in anger, clawed at each other and raked hair and robes trying to gain the advantage. Fortadivine slashed with swords and broadaxes while yelling orders to the Amini and Forzoram who were equally engaged in battle.  The Forzoram took the advantage over the smaller and less trained Amini, easily defeating them and ripping wings or decapitating them with the twist of am armhold. Severed heads lay where they’d been thrown against the walls, glaring with sightless eyes. The room was a din of roars and screams, curses and clanking of weapons.

“Why are you doing this?” a Fortadivine yelled to a fellow Fortadivine who was slashing madly with his sword, trying to sever an arm or artery.

“Because we follow Pravus! He is our leader and when he says fight, we fight!” the second man screamed hysterically above the racket and din.

“But he is wrong! Alska is our leader. Alska is love; Pravus has only hatred in his heart! You will not win if you follow such a beast!” the first Fortadivine delivered, stepping in with a sword thrust that entered the other man’s chest and heart. He pulled his bloody sword free of this rebel and turned in time to parry another attack from a Benedivine who’d found a sword lying on a dead Fortadivine. The Benedivine, used to basic slave-type labor and not trained for military work, was quickly dispatched and left mortally injured. The Fortadivine stepped over the dying, once-holy man and shook his head at the waste and pity of this all.

Overhead, the black dragon beast, Pravus, soared over the dais again and again, shooting gouts of fire at Alska, hoping he would tire and leave a chink in his armor that Pravus would then finish him by.  Red eyes glared in the smoky dust of the demolished room as he circled, checking the progress of the battle. He roared encouragement, “Fight brothers! Kill those bastards who cling to the old ways and

Twitter Addresses of Literary Agents Who Twitter

Below is a listing of  Literary Agents with Twitter accounts.

@4writers / Jennifer DeChiara

@AffinityArtists / Ross Grossman

@AgentPete / Peter Cox, Redhammer

@agentrobert / Robert Brown, Wylie-Merrick Literary Agency

@allanguthrie / Allan Guthrie

@amblit / Amy Moore-Benson

@AndyBarzvi / Andrea Barzvi

@BeMissH / Holly Bemiss, The Susan Rabiner Literary Agency

@BookEndsJessica / Jessica Faust

@Bookfan / Kae Tienstra

@BookJacquie / Jacquie Flynn, Joelle Delbourgo Associates

@BostonBookGirl / Lauren E. MacLeod

@BourbonKid / Bourbon Kid, Isabel White

@ByrdLeavell3 / Byrd Leavell, The Waxman Agency

@chipmacgregor / Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary

@ChrisRichman Upstart Crow Literary Agency

@ColleenLindsay / Colleen Lindsay, FinePrint Literary Management

@DanielLiterary / Greg Daniel, Daniel Literary Group

@DaphneUn / Kate Schafer Testerman, KT literary

@dsvetcov / Danielle Svetcov, Levine Greenberg Literary Agency

@elainespencer / Elaine Spencer, The Knight Agency

@elanaroth / Elana Roth, Caren Johnson Literary Agency

@EMEvans11 / Elizabeth Evans

@EpsteinLiterary / Kate Epstein, Epstein Literary

@evanmarshall / Evan Marshall

@FolioLiterary / Folio Literary

@Ginger_Clark / Ginger Clark, Curtis Brown Ltd.

@HayleyYeeles / Hayley Yeeles, Pollinger Limited

@hroot / Holly Root

@Janet_Reid / Janet Reid, FinePrint Literary Management

@janetkgrant / Janet Kobobel Grant, Books & Such Literary Agency

@jasonashlock / Jason Allen Ashlock, Movable Type Literary Group

@jennyrae / Jenny Rappaport, The Rappaport Agency

@JLDelbourgo Joelle Delbourgo

@jonnyagent / Jonny Geller

@JVNLA / Jennifer Weltz, Naggar Literary Agency

@kate_mckean / Kate McKean, Howard Morhaim Literary Agency

@katelaurielee / Kate Lee

@KnightAgency / The Knight Agency

@LaunchBooks / David Fugate

@Laurenshults / Lauren Shults

@lisadimona / Lisa DiMona

@literaryagent, anonymous

@literaticat / Jennifer Laughran, Andrea Brown Literary Agency

@LukemanLiterary Noah Lukeman

@MarleneStringer / Marlene Stringer, The Stringer Literary Agency

@mattwagner / Matt Wagner, Fresh Books

@MichaelBourret / MichaelBourret, Dystel & Goderich Literary Management

@MiriamGoderich / Miriam Goderich, Dystel & Goderich Literary Management

@NathanBransford / Nathan Bransford, Curtis Brown Ltd.

@NepheleTempest / Nephele Tempest

@petertallack / Peter Tallack, The Science Factory

@pwheeler_agent / Paige Wheeler, Folio Literary Management

@rachellegardner / Rachelle Gardner, WordServe Literary

@samjanehaywood / Samantha Haywood

@sarahsuch / Sarah Such

@simontrewin / Simon Trewin

@slopenagency / Beverly Slopen, Slopen Agency

@spaccher / Sandrine Paccher

@storyseller Natasha Kern, Natasha Kern Literary

@StrothmanAgency / The Strothman Agency

@thecroceagency / Nick Croce, The Croce Agency

@tomwillkens / Tom Willkens, The Jeff Herman Agency

@TracyMarchini / Tracy Marchini (literary agent assistant), Curtis Brown Ltd

@twliterary / Ted Weinstein

@upstartcrowlit    Upstart Crow Literary Agency

@Wendy_G_Rohm / Wendy Goldman Rohm

@wendylawton / Wendy Lawton, Books & Such Literary Agency

@wgtwelve / William Gladstone

NaNoWriMo Starting November 1

I’m so excited! I’ve signed up for my first NaNoWriMo. I’d never heard of this until I found it on Twitter. Then I found the official website and signed up. There are forums galore to share information and thoughts. There is a word counter and lots of encouragement.

So for the month of November I probably won’t be blogging a lot since I have a YA Fantasy novel to write – start to finish. This is so exciting!

Wisdom is Born From Experience of Growing Older

When I was in my twenties I gave no thought whatever to aches or pains, medical screenings, etc.  The only thing we thought about was surviving financially while we finished our degrees in college and began careers.

In my thirties the only thing I thought about was having my babies and starting a family. It was a busy decade as we grew our family, moved around as my husband was upwardly mobile and I taught school. Who had time to worry about fine lines around the eyes or random gray strands of hair?

Then I turned forty. The first thing to go was my eyesight. I was shocked! For my entire life I’d had what doctors called hawk-vision; better than 20/20. But the year I turned 40 I suddenly needed glasses! I couldn’t believe it. Then as the years passed more and more issues began to crop up. Arthritis became an issue by about 45. It wasn’t bad enough to require meds, but it hurt nonetheless.  Blood pressure and cholesterol became issues.

Fifty was the real eye opener. The magic half-way point (or so I like to believe). The arthritis got worse and now I had to take Glucosamine, which actually helps. All of my friends started complaining of their aches and pains, celebrities that I grew up watching on tv and in movies began dying. Friends’ parents began dying. I had lost my mom when I was 47 and dad was in bad health (he died when I was 50).

So suddenly I was facing my own mortality. I’d had a brief cancer scare a few years ago that had resolved favorably. But I didn’t feel 50, or even 40. I felt 25 or 30. But when I looked in the mirror I was shocked to see a most silver-haired woman staring back. My knees hurt going downstairs. My energy flagged easier. What had happened to the young woman who played softball with her students?

The most bizarre aspect of this has been the psychological reckoning. It’s such a shock to realize one day that you are NOT the 20 something you feel inside. Maybe that’s why the anti-aging industry is so hot today. With most of us being in the middle-aged group (I’m at the tail-end of the baby boom, so there are a whole lot of boomers older than me), I can’t be the only one feeling this disparity. Hence the wrinkle creams and lotions, liver-spot bleaching creams, hair dyes, weight-loss products to remove that middle-aged spread, and of course cosmetic surgeries to remove double chins, eye and mouth wrinkles, etc.

That’s why I was so excited to see Jamie Lee Curtis doing the Activia commercials in her natural short gray hair at age 50. And she was proud of it. That was also when I finally stopped coloring my own hair and have loved the way the silver gleams as it slowly overtakes the natural black. It took a few years of thinking about it first, worrying if I would look so much older than I feel. But while I may finally look my age I’ve decided that’s okay. I AM 53. Why shouldn’t I look it?

The other aspect of growing older is that hopefully you also grow wiser. I feel like I have. Sometimes you hear people say “I wish I’d known back then what I know now.” But if you think about that, it wouldn’t give you any chance to grow wiser. Experience gained through a lifetime is where wisdom is born. And wisdom is the value of being older.

So as my children enter adulthood and have questions about dealing with life and its issues, hopefully they’ll continue to come to us for guidance and value the wisdom we’ve gained as my husband and I enter the second half of our lives. But hopefully they won’t ask for  too much advice, they need to experience things for themselves to become wise in their middle age, too.